Feelings are like little children wanting attention

I didn’t notice it happening but I must have placed my feelings on hold, or repressed them for a while, possibly for years, or maybe I’ve always done it? At some point I couldn’t hold my feelings away any longer. I couldn’t hold it ‘together’ any longer.

My tears came flooding down and I couldn’t stop them from coming.

My anger came out in the most inconvenient ways.

My frustration followed with even more force.

My guilt and shame kept lurking in the background.

Some days I’d feel numb and other moments all my emotions came out as an explosion of energy.

At this point blame had been in my life, but not as much as now. Blame wanted to jump in whenever possible. It became so familiar it felt like a friend.

When blame was there I didn’t have to feel as much or take responsibility. Somehow this was better than when blame was more distant.

After some time I noticed that I began feeling worse having had blame more present for an extended time.

That’s when I met positivity!

Positivity helped me change perspective which helped me feel lighter and I also noticed others feeling lighter around me too.

What a relief to have met a new friend.

I spent less time with blame having positivity in my life.

But after some time I noticed that I still didn’t feel right and some of the people around me didn’t respond well to positivity either, although better than blame.

I closed my eyes in despair and went deeper within.

After a while I heard little voices.

“We don’t feel seen. We don’t feel heard. We feel disconnected.”

I was surprised to hear these voices speaking and wondering if I’d gone crazy?

My curiosity grew stronger and I began listening more deeply.

“We feel neglected and that we don’t matter to you. All we want is for you to see us, be with us and listen. We want attention too.”

“What do you need?”

“We want you to be with us.”

“Who are you?”

“We are all the feelings you’ve repressed for so long.”

“How can I be with you?”

“We want to be acknowledged, seen, heard and felt.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. It’s too difficult and scary. No one has ever taught me this.”

“Well, you could ask safety to come and sit with you and support too. This may help. But not too close as they may create a blockage between us.”

“Ok, that feels better and I am open to trying it out. Then what do I do?”

“Find a quiet space where you invite safety and support. Close your eyes and relax your body. Invite us to come and be with you. It may be hard, difficult and painful, but we would really appreciate it.”

“I will give it a go. Nothing else have worked so far. Only for a moment.”

I felt curiosity with me still as I did what I was invited to do. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done. To listen to, acknowledge, see and feel all the emotions I had neglected. At first it was hard to connect. I didn’t quiet know who were there, but sensed them there. The more I practiced the more accentuated my perception and sensitivity became. Eventually one day I cried and screamed, and my whole body started shivering. I felt so much releasing. Years, and years of difficult feelings.

The more I learnt to be with all my feelings, the more balanced I began feeling.

I still experience highs and lows, but I have tools to navigate myself and my feelings in a more grounded way.

All along I thought blame and positivity was my friends, forgetting about my feelings.

I may still from time to time find it hard to be with some feelings, but then I remember how important they are, and as soon as I give them attention we both feel better.

If you feel ready to meet with your feelings, with anything wanting your attention and would like to feel safe and supported I’m here!